BREAKING: Westwood Enabler Writers Are Going On Strike
To the Associated Students UCLA Communications Board, Jacob Preal, Abigail Goldman, Doria Deen and the readers of the Westwood Enabler, We, the undersigned, are writing […]
Op-Ed: PAC Shirts Should Be Brighter
I have a lot of respect for the Pediatric Aids Coalition (PAC). Its cause — researching a cure for pediatric HIV/AIDS — is extremely noble, […]
YRL Mountain Lion Diverts Attention From Powell Cat
WESTWOOD — After a mountain lion was noticed taking residence in the bushes adjacent to Young Research Library (YRL), many students have taken to the […]
Mole Hair Plucked Last Week Returns, Brings Friends
WESTWOOD — Following last week’s plucking, local mole hair Brianna Guan McSilgé-Tube pickaxed her way up layers of flesh and jabbed her head through her […]
Public Affairs Professor’s Mistresses Make Affairs Public
WESTWOOD — Last week, adjunct Public Affairs professor Nathan Bradley was surprised mid-lecture when his mistresses stormed into the hall and publicly announced his many […]
Stray Cat Wins Heart of Community, Stray Human Does Not
WESTWOOD — A stray cat discovered on Landfair Avenue has won over the community with its scrappy feline charms, while at the same time local […]
Op-Ed: If I Wear Jeans, You Must Call Me Jeans Block
To the Campus Community: On Monday morning, I substituted my normal chancellorial slacks for a pair of comfortable, stylish, denim jeans. Yet for the entire […]
Local Redditor Successfully Disproves God’s Existence
WESTWOOD — Church attendance across the United States has completely halted after a local atheist, under the username “yungkarlm4rx420,” posted an anti-religious picture on Reddit. […]
Senior Scholar Dies
WESTWOOD — 84-year-old second-year political science major Ingrid Miller, known by her fellow political science students as a recurring “senior scholar,” died midway through an […]
Target Pushes Further Into Ralphs’ Territory, War Imminent
WESTWOOD — With the annexation of the shared stairwell, Target has pushed further into Ralphs’ territory, which experts believe will surely result in a formal […]