Mole Hair Plucked Last Week Returns, Brings Friends

WESTWOOD — Following last week’s plucking, local mole hair Brianna Guan McSilgé-Tube pickaxed her way up layers of flesh and jabbed her head through her owner’s forearm mole, bringing three friends. “Heeyyyy! I think you accidentally tweezed me last time haha,” said Guan McSilgé-Tube as she popped open a can of Black Cherry Klarbrunn. “I hope you don’t mind that I invited some pals! This is Tatiana, this is Silas ― Si is so funny ― and this is Josh. Josh plays guitar so we might sing some Hozier la– hey, Tatiana, stop strangling that vein! Haha, she always does that. Oh, and did I already introduce Silas? He’s so funny.”  At press time, the clique was seen screaming at the looming shadow of their owner’s Tweezermans.

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Rejected from Bruin Woods.