Sexual Tension Alert! Neighbor Arrives At Apartment Door Same Time As You Do
FLOOR 4 – Late Tuesday night, third-year Chemistry major Carly A. Ptraction found herself arriving at her apartment at the exact same time as her […]
Breaking: Woman Scorned
HOLLYWOOD — The fires of hell could not compare to the fury of area woman Maria Cooper when she discovered her husband’s infidelity. “That ugly, […]
Small Discussion Group Grows Into Medium Discussion Group
WESTWOOD — Students in class Monday morning discovered that their small discussion group has expanded into their worst nightmare: a medium sized discussion group. “It […]
Foreign But Not Forgotten: Mourning Who Your Friend Was Before Study Abroad
Pasta, museums, one euro wine bottles: what more could a college student want? Clearly nothing, because your friend decided to ditch you for some European […]
“This Game Is Fucking Bullshit!” Little Brother Reports
LOS ANGELES— Members of the Miller family were recently informed by their little brother that the game they were playing was, in fact, bullshit. “It’s […]
Cupid To Upgrade To Rocket Launcher, Quote: “Gotta Get Those Numbers Up”
THE AIR — Love is in it, folks. And this Valentine’s Day, Cupid’s got a little something special up his diaper. “Lockheed Martin’s newest Hydrogen […]
U.S. Mistakenly Shoots Down Stoner in Place of “High Altitude Object”:
CANADIAN AIRSPACE — Late this afternoon, the United States military shot down Colorado native and active stoner, Alexander Payton, after mistaking him for another Chinese […]
Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For Your Boyfriend
Uh oh! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and you haven’t gotten a gift for that special guy in your life! Are you sick […]
