Cupid To Upgrade To Rocket Launcher, Quote: “Gotta Get Those Numbers Up”

THE AIR — Love is in it, folks. And this Valentine’s Day, Cupid’s got a little something special up his diaper. “Lockheed Martin’s newest Hydrogen Fusion Antimatter Pulse Ray Missile Grade Rocket Launcher, to be exact. But I just like to call her Punisher,” said Cupid, taking a long drag from an unlit candy cigarette. “Remember the baby from American Sniper? I’m like that baby if he bought a rocket launcher. Fuck that dinky-ass bow and arrow. I will be respected.” At press time, this reporter was fighting the urge to pinch Cupid’s wittle cherubim cheeks.