Sexual Tension Alert! Neighbor Arrives At Apartment Door Same Time As You Do

FLOOR 4 – Late Tuesday night, third-year Chemistry major Carly A. Ptraction found herself arriving at her apartment at the exact same time as her neighbor. “I could just feel this energy beside me. I listened to the jingle of his keys as he struggled to unlock his door. He was, like, morse-coding to me, saying, ‘Hey girl. You sure smell like a glazed donut.’ I did indeed have one glazed donut that morning. He is so attentive,” described Ptraction as she doodled little hearts on her notebook around the words “Mrs. Apartment Neighbor Who Told Me I Smell Like a Donut.” “I could see his shoes and I watched as he scrubbed the bottoms against his doormat. The motion reminded me of a gazelle, galloping in the wild. I knew what he was trying to tell me, then. That if he was a gazelle, he was a lonely one. And he was looking for another. Another gazelle to become one gazelle couple. Us, together. Two gazelles.” When pressed for details on his face or even name, Ptraction could only reveal that he “for sure owns a size 9 pair of black Vans that could maybe even be a size 10 or possibly an 11?”

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