State Government Grants $5 Kohl’s Cash Stimulus To Fire Victims
WASHINGTON D.C. — Today, President Biden promised that all victims of the ongoing Southern California fires can expect to receive $5 Kohl’s Cash in their […]
Gift Of Prophecy? Californians Glad They Voted To Keep Inmate Firefighters Enslaved
CALIFORNIA — As Southern California wildfires stretch non-incarcerated fire crews thin, Democrats and Republicans alike are applauding their foresight in voting against Proposition 6, which would […]
Opinion: I’m Evacuating With My Custom Fantasy Tentacle Dildo And That’s IT
The Woke Snowflake Blue-Haired Microbangs Shaved Head SJW SJP Left keep posting “helpful evacuation packing lists,” and it’s frankly pissing me off. If this is […]
The Enabler Reports: Zip It, Gamgam! America’s New Epidemic Of Lippy Elders
“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up?” More like, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t SHUT UP!” Subtle disses by the frail hands of elders have […]
Mysogyny And For Other Words I Don’t Know How To Spell
Its finals weak. I have to right tree different essays butt oh no I’m bad at spelling! I’m not gonna use spellcheck because the machine’s […]
Opinion: There Should Be Female Frats For Hey Mamas Lesbians
UCLA Greek life is undeniably captivating. During rush, inspired, I found myself at an impasse, deciding where I would fit in to all of this. […]
Opinion: I Am Going To Squish My Roommate Like A Bug
Oh my god. My roommate just looked at me. Why in the fuck ass did he just do that. He might as well be taking […]
Biden Makes Crucial Mistake In Pardoning Turkey, Accidentally Pardons Human Son
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, President Joe Biden has officially pardoned his son Hunter Biden from a series of federal tax […]