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Student Discovers Parents Have Been Paying Friends to Attend Birthday Parties

March 7, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

BRENTWOOD—In a shocking turn of events, student Dominic Downer discovered that his parents really had been paying his friends to attend his birthday parties for […]

Child Discovers e-Books Also Come In Print Form

March 6, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

SEATTLE, WA – While attending a school field trip to the Seattle Public Library Wednesday, Haggerty Elementary 3rd grader Kevin Abernathy was astounded to discover […]

Students Expecting “Man Clinton” Disappointed

March 6, 2014 Luke Moran 0

UCLA To Begin Accepting Students From Delaware

March 4, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—In a statement released by the Office of Admissions, UCLA has announced today that it will, for the first time in the school’s nearly century-long […]

Rain Inspires Record Number Of Amateur Poets

March 3, 2014 Luke Moran 0

LOS ANGELES—Citing the “motion of palm trees, like lonely children that shiver in the night” as well as the “glimmering pools of heaven’s tears”, a […]

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Celebrities Wear Jewelry, Dress, Shoes

March 2, 2014 Anna Galachyan 0

UCLA Students In Uproar Over Cookie Shortage

February 26, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – Police were called in today to break up a riot that started after an unnamed pre-med student purchased the last box of Thin […]

Obama Issues Executive Order To Become Character In Game Of Thrones

February 25, 2014 Stephen Reichenbach 0

NEW YORK—In an unprecedented use of executive authority, Barack Obama has issued an order to be written into the immensely-popular HBO fantasy series Game of […]

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Bold Approach Leaves Italics In Dust

February 25, 2014 Luke Moran 0

The Enabler Asks You: Do you support the proposal to divide California?

February 22, 2014 Luke Moran 0

As many of our readers may know, a petition to divide California into 6 different states has been gaining momentum over the past several weeks. […]

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  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research

    WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]

  • Opinion: Suck It, Pre-Meds! Now We’re All Going To Be Unemployed

    It finally happened. Despite being so against equity and inclusion, Trump finally did something to level the playing field between you pre-meds and us humanities, […]

  • Roommate Unable To Clean Dorm Because Floor Is Lava

    WESTWOOOD – In an emergency press conference inside your dorm today, your roommate announced they are unable to clean because the floor is lava. “I […]

  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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