Area Man Convinced He Was ‘Spotted On Bruin Walk’
WESTWOOD — Scrolling desperately through the latest submissions on popular missed connection site Spotted on Bruin Walk Sunday, 3rd year UCLA Computer Science major and […]
Gene Block Unveils “Diversitron”, Announces Plans To Transform Students Into Minorities
WESTWOOD—In light of UCLA faculty’s recent vote in favor of a diversity course requirement, Chancellor Gene Block has unveiled his latest invention: a 60-foot tall […]
Student Fails Midterm Election
WESTWOOD—Noting a severe lack of knowledge in local politics as well as a preoccupation with school work, second year Hannah Park admitted to having completely […]
International Student Shocked To Learn Texas Is Not The Wild West
WESTWOOD, CA—After a recent trip to Texas, Abdul Nasreen, an international student from the Middle East, declared his shock when it was revealed to him […]
Local Asshole Plans “Edgy” Halloween Costume
LOS ANGELES—Drawing on a combination of recent tragedies and sensitive topics, area man Eric Silva announced Sunday that his Halloween costume will serve as the […]
Addition Of New “History of Blowjobs” Class Causes Widespread Controversy
WESTWOOD—Amidst a steadily increasing tide of budget cuts, many students and faculty members have been left wondering what the future of their departments will be. Over […]
Bruin Café Introduces 3 a.m. “Hate Yourself” Meal Period
WESTWOOD—In an effort to better accommodate the eating habits of the typical college student, Bruin Café has added a new “Hate Yourself” dining period to […]
Post-’90s Decline Of Wallet Chains Leading To Millennial Spike In Wallet Theft
DES MOINES, IA — According to a recent study conducted by the Institute for the Research on Residual ’90s Influences, the annual rate of wallet […]
University Of California Divests From Self
OAKLAND—Declaring that they can no longer support an institution invested in companies that facilitate civil rights abuses and climate change among other issues, the UC board […]
The Enabler Asks You: Bcaf’s New Turkey Sandwich
A petition to bring back Bcaf’s old turkey sandwich recipe has gained nearly 400 supporters. Though the original sandwich was criticized for its high sodium content, […]