Local Asshole Plans “Edgy” Halloween Costume

Ebola is expected to feature heavily in the dickwad’s costume.

LOS ANGELES—Drawing on a combination of recent tragedies and sensitive topics, area man Eric Silva announced Sunday that his Halloween costume will serve as the perfect opportunity to showcase his uniquely subversive, no-holds-barred sense of humor.

“Oh man, I’m so going to hell for this, right?” Silva said, carefully tracing outlines of the Ebola virus onto a Robin Williams mask. “Honestly, people need to lighten up. A little controversy never hurt anyone.”

Although Silva reportedly received fewer groaning laughs and good-natured “too soon, dude”s than he had hoped by dressing up as a Boston Marathon runner in 2013, he remains optimistic that this year’s costume will shock his overly sheltered, politically correct peers into realizing what a refreshingly candid and clever guy he is.

“I don’t care who thinks I’m an asshole. Like, whatever man, I take that as a compliment,” Silva stated as he proceeded to sew Malaysia Airlines’ logo onto his Ray Rice jersey. “They’re just not ready for my dark and gritty definition of ‘funny’. If they can’t learn to take a joke, that’s not my problem.”

After Halloween, Silva plans to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas forcibly inserting his own religious and political beliefs into his family’s dinnertime conversations.❖

About Jasmine Don 30 Articles
Jasmine is best known for her work eating the bones and skin off of the boneless skinless chicken breasts at the super market. She's also the one who paints tropical frogs bright colors so we know which ones are poisonous.