Child Beachgoers Build Castle Of Sand, Water, Scattered Ashes
LAGUNA BEACH, CA — Mother of two Stacy Waldorf confirmed to reporters Sunday afternoon that on a recent trip to Laguna Beach, her two children, […]
First-Year Re-evaluates Entire Life After Receiving B+
LOS ANGELES— Upon receiving his fall grades, first year John Perff was horrified to realize that he had received a B+ in his introductory Backpack […]
Alumnus Excited To Leave Third Part-Time Job By 2020
LOS ANGELES—In light of LA’s recent minimum wage reform, UCLA class of 2014 alumnus Tyler Mills stated that he was excited to finally be able […]
Scientists Begin Construction On Robots That Will Eventually Conquer Humanity
by Nathan Guzik Robotics Engineers at MIT have made substantial progress on a revolutionary new model of robot, expected to attain sentience and enslave all […]
Dad Steals Baby’s Nose
LOS ANGELES—Police have arrested local man Joseph Gutierrez in connection with stealing his baby’s nose. Gutierrez’s wife witnessed him playing with their son on Wednesday when […]
Porn Skews Young People’s Perceptions Of How Willing Pizza Guy Is To Have Sex With Them
Pornography these days is more accessible than it’s ever been, particularly to the younger generation. Porn is everywhere. It’s on the computer. It’s on the […]
Loud Sound Definitely A Gunshot
WESTWOOD—Tuesday morning at approximately 3:44 AM, a loud sound that occurred somewhere within the vicinity of several residential homes was identified by members of the […]
Benevolent Overlord Gene D. Block Graciously Allows Students His Precious Time
WESTWOOD – Chancellor Gene D. Block, Benevolent Overlord of UCLA, has graciously offered one hour of His precious time to students on Monday, May 18. […]
Westwood Enabler 2015 USAC Election Endorsement: The After Party
The Westwood Enabler has chosen to endorse Jason Ergina of The After Party. Here are a few key reasons why: Supports longer waits at De […]
Bruins United Platform Calls For Lower Fees, Better Resources, More ‘Moments That Take Your Breath Away’
WESTWOOD—Announcing a new, revamped platform for USAC Elections this week, Bruins United spokesman Jeff Brock emphasized the school’s need for “more moments that will take […]