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Report: Most LA Children In Favor Of Expanding Choo-Choo Train Lines

February 14, 2016 Luke Moran 0

LOS ANGELES—Citing a severely underdeveloped public transportation network, a survey released by the Los Angeles Department of Transportation (LADOT) Tuesday found that at least 65% […]

How To Have The Perfect Valentine’s Day In College

February 11, 2016 Enabler Staff 0

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! Whether you’re in a relationship or still waiting for that Special Someone, here are some tips for having […]

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Satirical Newspaper Shamelessly Promotes Own Bake Sale

February 7, 2016 By A Very Broke Comedy Publication 0

  WWW.WESTWOODENABLER.COM—Withholding all regard for professionalism and self-respect, satirical newspaper “The Westwood Enabler” published an article about its Valentine’s Day bake sale today, an act […]

Tips For Finding Next Year’s Roommate

February 3, 2016 Enabler Staff 0

It’s that time of year again! Here are the Enabler’s tips for finding the perfect roommate. Reassure potential roommates by explaining the ways in which […]

Op-Ed: I’m Pretty Sure That Zayn’s New Single Is About The Magical Night We Spent Together

February 2, 2016 xxAudrey_Malik_1D 0

As everyone who’s anyone knows, the literal GOD who is Zayn Malik released his first solo single Friday. Following its release, two things have come […]

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Op-Ed: Iowa, Explained By The Most Popular Girl In Middle School

February 1, 2016 Alison Montgomery 0

When I got to school on Monday, everyone was talking about Iowa. Great. last time I checked, I was the cool new girl who worked her way […]

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Jan. 24, 2016

January 25, 2016 Enabler Staff 0

Pita Chips Just An Excuse To Eat 7 Oz Of Hummus

January 24, 2016 Jasmine Don 0

LOS ANGELES — Local woman Evita Jacobs confirmed last Friday that the bag of pita chips she had purchased was just an excuse to eat […]

Discriminatory Grading Policy Favors Students That Work Harder

January 24, 2016 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD—Allegations of widespread discrimination favoring harder-working students in the University of California system arose Monday. “Not only are certain students more likely to get higher […]

Local Motorist Turns Left NOW!

January 24, 2016 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD—After several moments of deep, pensive internal debate, local woman Ann Campbell has decided that right now, with a red light and several pedestrians blocking […]

Posts pagination

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  • Flakers Anonymous Reports Record Low Attendance

  • Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do

    WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]

  • Man With Fragile Ego Sits In Waymo Driver’s Seat

    WESTWOOD — While returning home from a failed driver’s license test, aspiring Cybertruck owner Grant T. Otto broke Waymo’s ‘rider rules’ by climbing into the […]

  • Angeleno Prepares For Storm By Already Driving Like Shit

    WESTWOOD — In preparation for this week’s rare October storm, one local resident has decided to take up driving like shit in order to lessen […]

  • Uh Oh! Student’s Twelfth Grandparent Just Died

    WESTWOOD — Last Sunday, second-year Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics major Calvin Dozer revealed that his Step-Step-Grandpappy just died, making this the twelfth grandparent dead […]

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Georgia McNeill
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Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
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