Hookah Bar Definitely A Front
WESTWOOD–UCLA students confirmed this past week that local hookah bar Habubu Cafe is most definitely a front for an ambiguous black-market industry. “It’s like, never […]
RA Responds To Keurig Explosion
WESTWOOD–Sproul Hall Residential Advisor (RA) Shay Stephens responded to a violent and fiery Keurig coffee maker explosion on the fifth floor this past Friday night. […]
Report: Area Man Finally Has Enough Stamps For Free 4-Inch Sub
FRESNO–In a feat of perseverance, local accountant Chad Davis has finally secured enough stamps on his rewards card to obtain a free 4-inch submarine sandwich […]
Heartwarming: President Trump Has Donated His Entire Salary To Building A Big New Bomb That Goes “BOOM!”
Sometimes, beneath a rough exterior lies a heart of gold. United States President Donald J. Trump announced that he has donated his $400,000 salary to […]
Deaf Man Removes Cochlear Implants After Hearing Wife For The First Time
WESTWOOD–Three hours after having a cochlear device surgically implanted, previously deaf man Brandon Holtsmann has decided to remove the implants in order to preserve his […]
Report: You On Fastest Route Possible
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY–According to Google Maps, you are on the fastest route possible despite usual traffic. “We were driving from Westwood to Burbank, and naturally, […]
Area Man Returning from Bad Part of Town Comforted by Sight of Dog Boutique
WESTWOOD — Area man Harold Tuxton exhaled a sigh of relief and calmly unlocked his car doors on Tuesday when he caught sight of “Posh […]
Point: Elderly People Shouldn’t Have To Remove Shoes At TSA Checkpoints/Counterpoint: Elderly People Are The Most Dangerous Because They Have Nothing To Fuckin’ Lose
Point: Elderly People Shouldn’t Have To Remove Shoes At TSA Checkpoints by Bob Simmons Elderly people have served our society, and the aviation industry should […]
High School Friend’s Baby Actually Kind Of Ugly
WESTWOOD–While scrolling through Facebook last Wednesday, fourth-year psychobiology student Sarah Davis noted that her friend from high school’s baby was actually kind of ugly. “I’m […]
Couple Reschedules Fight
WESTWOOD–Local couple Anthony Mullen and Sarah Brown were forced to reschedule their fight, which was set for Tuesday at 8:00 p.m., to a later date […]