Bruin Republicans Back On Their Bullshit
WESTWOOD — With the Nov. 13 “Ben Shapiro: The Rise of Campus Facism” event, Bruin Republicans was officially declared to be back on their bullshit […]
Louis C.K. Gay Now
NEW YORK — In light of recent allegations of sexual harassing multiple women, comedian Louis C.K. has announced he is actually gay via a press […]
LiAngelo Asks If “Steals” Can Be Added To Otherwise Poor Stat Sheet
HANGZHOU, CHINA — After being apprehended for stealing merchandise from a store in China, LiAngelo Ball was left wanting to know if these “steals” could […]
Dodgers Forget How To Play Baseball Before Game 7 Loss
LOS ANGELES — In what psychologists have described as “the greatest case of the Yips ever seen in sports,” every single player on the Los […]
5 Ethnicities You Can Culturally Appropriate This Halloween
1. Oompa-Loompa The Oompa-Loompas are an indigenous people with a rich history. In their native country, Loompaland, they traditionally harvest cacao beans and create architecturally […]
Wow! Here’s All The UC Campuses But We Didn’t Rank Them Or Anything
1. The first UC campus that came to mind, but not because we think it’s the better than the others or anything, is UC Irvine. […]
Westwood Landlord Running Out of Storage Space for Harvested Organs
WESTWOOD — As November 1 draws closer, area landlord Jane Khari is growing increasingly concerned about the lack of storage space for her collection of […]
Waldo Removed From FBI’s Missing Persons List, Presumed Dead
WASHINGTON, D.C.— Acting Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) director Andrew McCabe announced today that the man known simply as Waldo, whose disappearance was brought to […]
UCLA_WIFI Acceptance Rate Drops To Record Low
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Undergraduate Admissions and Department of IT Services announced in a joint release today that the percentage of students admitted […]
New Strain of Hepatitis Found On Couch Outside Beta
WESTWOOD — After studying its surface, scientists have recently discovered a new strain of Hepatitis on the surface of the discarded cream-colored couch outside Beta […]