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UCLA Radio Announces Which Queer-Baiting Bay Area White Girl Has Won The Indie-Off

April 18, 2025 Fiona Ruane 0

526 LANDFAIR — After secretly watching countless carabiner-clad brunettes with nose piercings attend their parties at the Compound backlot, the UCLA Radio Events team has […]

“Sensitive Young Man” Walk Interrupted By Campus Tour Guide

April 17, 2025 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Last Thursday, one student’s weekly evening “sensitive young man” walk tragically got interrupted by a campus tour guide. “I was pacing around the […]

Health Tip: Swallow Your Zyns

April 16, 2025 Sandall Tobias 0

The great historian Howard Zynn once said, “Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.” Revising the revisionist, I say, “Dis Zyn is the highest form […]

Straight Basketball Players Unionize After Highest Gay Per Capita WNBA Draft

April 15, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

NEW YORK CITY — Straight WNBA players are more outnumbered than ever after the 2025 Draft, sparking the formation of the Straight Union of Ballers […]

Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

April 14, 2025 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — According to the National Roommate Association, a dangerous new craze is sweeping the nation: the “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” challenge. “HEYYYYYYY whatsgoinonguysitsyaboy […]

Admitted freshmen on the Janss Steps for Bruin Day

Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

April 12, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA Campus Tours announced that as a Bruin Day special, each admitted students tour now comes with a free bag of peanuts for […]

OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

April 11, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

Picture This: the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and I’m trying to be a good little girl and do my laundry on a […]

“Bruintizing” To Be Replaced With Getting Hit By A Scooter

April 10, 2025 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Instead of having students dip their fingers into the Inverted Fountain, UCLA has now required future new Bruin initiations to only consist of […]

Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank

April 9, 2025 Paige Reed 0

WESTWOOD — In light of the recent economic chaos brought about by the Trump administration’s sweeping tariffs, many on social media have taken to a […]

Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees

April 8, 2025 Sam Rusk 0

WESTWOOD — In light of Trump’s new bans on transgender healthcare, the Ashe Center has teamed up with the Samueli School of Computer Science to […]

Posts pagination

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  • Math Professor Doesn’t Know That Half Of Ten Weeks Is Five Weeks

    WESTWOOD — This week, local math professor Dr. Ivil has come under fire after scheduling a midterm for Week 4, a week that is definitively […]

  • Stolen Goods Stolen From Place With Exclusively Stolen Goods

    PARIS — Parisian police officers were stunned to discover this weekend that priceless jewels were stolen from the Louvre, a place that exclusively houses priceless […]

  • BPlate Announces Collab With McDonald’s To Ensure Froyo Machine Breaks More Often

    WESTWOOD – In a surprise new development, BPlate has announced a partnership with the fast food chain McDonald’s to ensure that the froyo machine remains […]

  • Government Shutdown Finally Hits Canvas

    WESTWOOD — Students everywhere awoke this morning to the modern equivalent of snow outside their windows: Canvas has been shut down due to bipartisan gridlock. […]

  • Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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