W.E. Guide To 2014 Student Elections
Student Elections are often confusing, skull-smashingly boring affairs, where we have the chance to make the over-achievers and go getters of today become the politicians […]
Campus
Elections Cancelled Due To Lack Of Interest
WESTWOOD—Members of student government announced today the cancellation of all elections planned for this week after campaign interest levels hit a record low. According to polls conducted […]
De Neve At Hedrick To Be Moved To Covel, Renamed De Neve At Hedrick At Covel
WESTWOOD—After less than a week of operation, officials at UCLA dining have deemed Hedrick dining hall “insufficient” to support the demands of its recently-adopted De […]
UCLA Secrets Used To Uncover Double Homicide
WESTWOOD – The UCPD has announced that the latest piece of evidence in their double-homicide case was revealed through “UCLA Secrets”, a Facebook page operated […]
Bruin Statue Gives Birth To Twin Cub Sculptures
WESTWOOD — In an exciting development that has captured the hearts of the entire student body, the faculty at UCLA have confirmed the birth of […]
Spring Sing Showdown To Be Held At Rose Bowl
WESTWOOD – In response to continuing demand for Spring Sing tickets, the UCLA Central Ticketing Office (CTO) has announced a special competition—for those who could not […]
Pauley Pavilion to Be Converted Into Sexile Refugee Camp
WESTWOOD – In response to a sudden increase in sexual activity in campus-owned housing, UCLA has announced its decision to convert Pauley Pavilion into a […]
Goth Club To Host Gothic Holi
WESTWOOD—After reportedly “feeling left out” during the festivities that took place at the Sunset Rec center this past weekend, members of UCLA’s goth club have […]
Bruin Plate Overpopulation To Be Solved Via One-Child Policy
WESTWOOD, CA – The Undergraduate Population Control Board (UPCB) enacted a strict one-child policy Saturday in an attempt to quell the burgeoning overpopulation issue plaguing […]
Satan Buys Out Westwood Enabler
WESTWOOD – In a press conference today, The Westwood Enabler announced that Satan has acquired the student-run paper. The paper, looking for funds, held an […]