WESTWOOD – The UCPD has announced that the latest piece of evidence in their double-homicide case was revealed through “UCLA Secrets”, a Facebook page operated and maintained by a mysterious mystical entity that students can submit secrets to. The secrets are then published to the Facebook page, often resulting in “bitch-fests” between North and South campus students about who has the better life or harder course load. This time, however, things were different.
“What ended the standstill in the investigation was a recent submission,” UCPD Officer Hudley confessed to the Enabler. “An intern alerted us to a secret that had been posted stating ‘lol killed 2 guys behind powell #murderlyfe.’ We were able to track the posting to a public computer in Young Research Library. Currently, we have librarians tracking through security footage to see exactly who was logged in at that time. It’s assumed the suspect will be a male of color, but we have no evidence for this yet.”
Two bodies were found last Thursday between Powell Library and the Humanities Building. The victims, who have not been named, have both been described as college-age males with unusual tastes in fashion.
“One was wearing a bro tank and short shorts, and the other was wearing a polo shirt (with pocket protector) and jeggings. It is believed by my colleagues that this peacocking fashion may be what attracted the stabber in the first place, but I’m unsure. Personally, I think it was the music found playing on the boombox left nearby – electronic dance music. Eugh,” shuddered Hudley.
At this time, the UCPD is still accepting anonymous tips to further the investigation. ❖
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