Friend Who Wasn’t Hungry Already Asking For A Bite
WESTWOOD — After insisting that she wasn’t hungry and deciding not to order food for herself, Stacy Abrams proceeded to ask for a bite of […]
Campus
Student Activist Being Treated At Ronald Reagan Following Exposure To Differing Opinion
WESTWOOD — EMTs rushed second-year sociology major and student activist Emma Schwartz to UCLA’s Ronald Reagan Medical Center following her collapse midway through a heated […]
Elusive UCLA_WIFI_RES Added To Orientation Scavenger Hunt
WESTWOOD — UCLA New Student & Transition Programs (NSTP) announced that they will be adding the notoriously elusive campus wireless network UCLA_WIFI_RES to “Carpe Noctem,” […]
UCLA Sanitation to Powell Bathroom Patrons: “Just Go Hog Wild”
WESTWOOD — UCLA Sanitation told the patrons of the Powell Library restroom to “just go hog wild” in a letter posted Monday morning. “Our facilities […]
Nice Professor Allows Quiet Sobbing In Class
WESTWOOD – Receiving enormous praise for her kindness and understanding, Rachel Irwin, Professor of Economics, generously allows students to sob quietly during class. “I’ve never […]
Unclear How Many Layers Of Irony Guy Wearing Che Guevara Shirt Is Going For
WESTWOOD – Reporting feelings of great confusion, sources have stated that it is unclear how many layers of irony UCLA student James Kaplan, who recently […]
Freshman Milks Common App Essay For One More Club Application
WESTWOOD– Sources revealed that first-year Russell Price was successful in milking his Common App essay one last time for his final club application of the […]
Professor Emails Syllabus To See Which Nerds Respond
WESTWOOD—Professor Alondra Ma emailed a copy of the syllabus to her chemistry students instead of presenting it in class so she could note which nerds […]
Student Unclear On How 20% Curved To B But They’re Rollin’ With It
WESTWOOD— First year student Steven Bork recently received the results for his first Physics midterm. Bork recalled “fighting back tears” and feeling as though he […]
Cool Professor Wears Tie-Dye Shirt
WESTWOOD—Physics professor Alexander Grobin walked into class today wearing a tie-dye shirt, instantly cementing his status as the cool professor. “Grobin is just the coolest,” […]