UCLA Sanitation to Powell Bathroom Patrons: “Just Go Hog Wild”

WESTWOOD — UCLA Sanitation told the patrons of the Powell Library restroom to “just go hog wild” in a letter posted Monday morning. “Our facilities beneath the hallowed Powell Library stacks enjoyed a long respite over the summer, but now that the academic year has begun, we are more confident than ever that our porcelain boys can withstand a speedy throttling, like a high-intensity blender on kale night,” the letter, posted to the insides of stalls, began. “Feel free to totally thrash our facilities as if you are in the middle of a WWE Championship Match, going neck to neck with an alligator. Nobody else uses this restroom, so please feel free to fuck it up.” At press time, restroom patrons were relieved to be able to use the facilities the same way they had always used them.

About Isaac Williams 12 Articles
Isaac Williams giveth, and Isaac Williams taketh away.