Gene Block Permanently Banned From All UCLA Stores
ACKERMAN UNION — Gene Block was permanently banned at the Ackerman branch of the UCLA store this morning for the act of [REDACTED] right next […]
Campus
Unemployable Student Goes To Grad School
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year history major Elisa Lee, who has zero marketable skills or relevant work experience, has just announced her intention to go to graduate […]
“It’s Just Seasonal Depression,” Says Student During Spring Quarter
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Primrose Miller claimed Monday that their depression is just seasonal, despite it being week eight of spring quarter. “I’m usually totally fine. […]
UniBud Now Accepting ASUCLA Meal Tickets
WESTWOOD — ASUCLA announced last Sunday that it is partnering with UniBud to bring students all of their kushy needs, now accessible via their student […]
Students Troubled By Lack Of Old White Men To Vote For In USAC Elections
WESTWOOD — A gamut of candidates have thrown their hats in the ring to get on the USAC payroll, yet some students are left wishing […]
Guy Holding Gene Block’s Voodoo Doll Ups Athletics Budget Again
WESTWOOD — Local scalawag and marionette enthusiast Gepetto Johnson, who is the proud owner of Gene Block’s voodoo doll, made it increase the athletics budget […]
Psych Major Offended At Suggestion Of Therapy
WESTWOOD – Although therapy is growing in popularity, a stigma still exists, and third-year psychology major Nellie Robinson is no exception. “Can you believe my […]
The Westwood Enabler’s Advice For Freshmen
It’s Bruin Day, and campus is filled with prospective students considering their future at UCLA. If you do decide to go blue and gold, here […]
Man Who’ll Never Be Truly Happy Brags About Investment Banking Internship
WESTWOOD — Financial actuarial math major Belfan Jordort was spotted loudly bragging about his upcoming internship at Goldman Sachs, despite the fact that he has […]
Uggo Alert! TA Not Hot Enough To Justify Attendance
WESTWOOD — UCLA student Brad Eckel-Honesty decided against regularly attending discussion this quarter after his TA was revealed to be a full-on uggo. “Looking at […]