Nerds Take Over Covel Piano
COVEL COMMONS— The hearts, souls, and especially ears of residents of The Hill are being terrorized by the sounds emanating from the Covel Piano. “I […]
The Westwood Enabler’s 2022 Favorites
Inspired by Obama’s list of his 2022 favs, below is a comprehensive list of what us cool people were watching, reading, and listening to this […]
Strawberry Piña Colada Elf Bar Spotted On Nevada Border
BORDER TOWN, NEVADA — A rogue Strawberry Piña Colada Elf Bar, believed to be the sole survivor of the California flavored tobacco ban, was seen […]
Success! Jesus Didn’t Cry On His Birthday This Year
HEAVEN — The heavens rejoiced yesterday as Jesus made it through his birthday without crying. “There’s just so much pressure to have a good day, […]
ROTC Students Drafted For The War On Christmas
WESTWOOD — UCLA ROTC students were dismayed to learn yesterday that recent developments in the war on Christmas meant they would have to leave their […]
Studies Show That A Hoe Does In Fact Get Cold
WESTWOOD — Leading researchers for UCLA’s Thotical Research Lab have published a groundbreaking report suggesting that a hoe does, in fact, get cold. “It dropped […]
BREAKING: Y/N Sold To Harry Styles
WATTPAD — Y/N was recently sold to Harry Styles to pay for your mother’s drug debt. “I was throwing my long brown hair in a […]
GroupMe Removed From List Of Best Venues For Aspiring Stand-Up Comedians
LOCATION — Collegiate jokesters across the nation were rocked by news that GroupMe has been removed from the L.A. Times’ list of best venues for […]
Housing Adds “Homoerotic Tension” Option to Male Roommate Contracts
WESTWOOD — Preparing for the renewal of roommate contracts for Winter Quarter, UCLA Housing has added a “Homoerotic Tension” clause, hoping to play matchmaker. “We […]
