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Gift Of Prophecy? Californians Glad They Voted To Keep Inmate Firefighters Enslaved

January 10, 2025 Rachana Aithal 0

CALIFORNIA — As Southern California wildfires stretch non-incarcerated fire crews thin, Democrats and Republicans alike are applauding their foresight in voting against Proposition 6, which would […]

Opinion: I’m Evacuating With My Custom Fantasy Tentacle Dildo And That’s IT

January 9, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

The Woke Snowflake Blue-Haired Microbangs Shaved Head SJW SJP Left keep posting “helpful evacuation packing lists,” and it’s frankly pissing me off. If this is […]

The Enabler Reports: Zip It, Gamgam! America’s New Epidemic Of Lippy Elders

December 26, 2024 Sam Grech 0

“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up?” More like, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t SHUT UP!” Subtle disses by the frail hands of elders have […]

Mysogyny And For Other Words I Don’t Know How To Spell

December 11, 2024 Sandall Tobias 0

Its finals weak. I have to right tree different essays butt oh no I’m bad at spelling! I’m not gonna use spellcheck because the machine’s […]

Opinion: There Should Be Female Frats For Hey Mamas Lesbians

December 10, 2024 Claudia Bloom 0

UCLA Greek life is undeniably captivating. During rush, inspired, I found myself at an impasse, deciding where I would fit in to all of this. […]

Opinion: Prisons MUST Be Abolished

December 9, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

Opinion: I Am Going To Squish My Roommate Like A Bug

December 6, 2024 Azalea Morris 0

Oh my god. My roommate just looked at me. Why in the fuck ass did he just do that. He might as well be taking […]

Biden Makes Crucial Mistake In Pardoning Turkey, Accidentally Pardons Human Son

December 4, 2024 Lincoln Melcher 0

WASHINGTON D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, President Joe Biden has officially pardoned his son Hunter Biden from a series of federal tax […]

Opinion: We Give Up, Wrap Your Own Spotify

December 3, 2024 Maggie Kwan 0

What the hell do you want from us? Do you know how annoying you sound in our DMs right now? “Oh, when’s Wrapped coming out? […]

I Lived It: My Face Card Got Declined

December 2, 2024 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD – It’s 3:30, and I just got out of class to go to Kerckhoff Coffeehouse. It’s been a long day and I need my […]

Posts pagination

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  • Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month

    WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]

  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs

    1. Tongva Steps Nothing says “studious” like sitting on a wet, inclined plane surrounded by the sights, sounds, and smells of the vibrant UCLA slackline […]

  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No

    Coming out to your family can be difficult. From telling your uncle you’re bicurious to letting your little sister know you’re transgender, you never quite […]

  • “How Will This Affect Saffron And Rose?” Asks Guy Trying To Form Opinion On Iran War

    WESTWOOD — After hearing about America’s bombing of Iran, one man still could not pick a side to support until knowing the fate of local […]

  • Scientists Discover Why Old People Smell Like That

    WESTWOOD — A groundbreaking discovery was made at the UCLA Geriatric Research and Medical Association (GRAMA) this Tuesday, after an extensive study that involved locking […]

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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