Hear ye! Hear ye!
Rejoice! For our powerful leader, Julio Frenk, has banned all wrong speech on campus. No more will we have to determine what words are “good” or “bad” anymore. No more will we have to deal with those pesky little things called “thoughts!” Glorious God-King Julio Frenk has eased that burden on our minds and souls.
O, what simple commoners we are. Not privy to the machinations of our handsome and dashing leader in his blue void. We can only put our souls, our faith, into his gentle, warm hands. His brilliant idea of making this decision unilaterally, without input from the rest of the (frankly unnecessary) school administration, proves both his bold courageousness and his intrepid character.
For centuries to come, the streets of Westwood will never be besmirched with petty words dripping from the mouths of us poor, childish underlings. The voices of those who dare to use their tongues and palates to form idiotic phrases such as “stop the genocide” and “disclose, divest, we will not stop, we will not rest” shall be thankfully silenced, once and for all. Just as our former leader inflicted violence on those who dared dissent against his mighty rule eight moons ago, our beautiful leader has quashed those pesky rabble-rousers once more.
The violent mob and the angry rabble may say that Lord Frenk is “overstepping his powers as chancellor” or “infringing on free speech rights.” Bah! Our wonderful ruler can do no wrong. What he dictates is the truth, for he is not only the king, but our God.