Trend Watch: Going Commando At Undie Run
Enough is enough. Every time the UV level is a 7, everybody and their mother is out getting sunburnt on Janss in a bikini top. […]
Life
Top Five Easiest Felonies To Get Your Finals Cancelled
Uh oh. Finals are already here, and despite saying you were going to “lock in next week” for the past nine weeks, you haven’t a […]
National Guard Officer Also Bummed Westwood Village Doesn’t Have Shit To Do
WESTWOOD — After the National Guard entered Westwood Village yesterday afternoon, many soldiers were disappointed to find out that there was nothing to do in […]
Alternative Club Throws “Groundbreaking” Event That Breaks No New Ground
WESTWOOD — Tonight, one campus alternative club will host a parking lot rave that will break boundaries by having the same exact attractions as last […]
Ask The Enabler: Does “Bisexual” Mean You Fuck Twice A Week, Or Once Every Two Weeks?
Here at the Westwood Enabler, the closest thing UCLA has to a bisexual awareness club, we’ve been plagued by the following question: does “bisexual” mean […]
I Lived It: The Corner I Was Going To Stand In At The Party Got Taken
As a Mysterious Fella, it’s important for me to have a nice corner to stand in at parties. There’s really nothing like holding a clammy […]
Report: White Woman Lowkey Doesn’t Mind The Patriarchy
BEVERLY HILLS— Maddie Rose Miller, a fourth-year Sociology major, CorePower Yoga instructor, and aspiring luxury real estate agent, has recently reported feeling no ill-will towards […]
Cinematic: Woman Spends Movie Runtime Drafting Her Letterboxd Review
LOS ANGELES — Last night, one woman decided to unwind with a new movie by spending the entire runtime drafting her Letterboxd review. “I take […]
Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]
Roommate Taking Too Long To Read “Atomic Habits” Explodes
WESTWOOD – A second-year detonated late Monday night after spending eight agonizing months trying to finish James Clear’s “Atomic Habits.” “They bought it Week 0 […]