Roommate Alarmed By Number Of Un-Ironic Halloween Decorations
WESTWOOD—Student Ariel Johnson reported feeling increasingly alarmed this week by the number of un-ironic Halloween decorations that her roommates have put up in their room. […]
Articles by Sierra Scott
Professor Emails Syllabus To See Which Nerds Respond
WESTWOOD—Professor Alondra Ma emailed a copy of the syllabus to her chemistry students instead of presenting it in class so she could note which nerds […]
Waitress Saw You Touch Very Hot Plate
WESTWOOD—Waitress Brenda Garcia saw you look around and touch the plate she warned was very hot last night. “I see people go down the same […]
‘Sick Kickflips’ Now Allowed In No-Skateboard Zones: UCLA Chancellor
WESTWOOD—UCLA Chancellor Gene Block approved a change to campus policy Friday that allows “sick kickflips” in designated “walk your wheels” zones. “Since the day our […]
Op-Ed: An Open Letter To Honda and BMW: Sedan/SUV Crossovers Do Not Belong On Our Roads
Alright Honda and BMW; you win. You have annihilated me with your demonic morphage of Sedan and SUV that I have seen clobbering gracelessly down […]
Report: Not Even Michael Jackson Knew Words To “Thriller”
LOS ANGELES—Newly released footage of Michael Jackson backstage during his 1987 Bad World Tour reveals that not even the iconic pop singer knew the words […]
Professor Valiantly Tries To Toggle Multiple Internet Tabs
WESTWOOD—Students silently supported their biology professor during lecture today as she struggled to toggle multiple tabs on Internet Explorer. “So here we have a… oh […]
Notoriously Pretty Celebrity Ugly After Childbirth
LOS ANGELES— Notoriously Pretty Celebrity was noticeably less pretty than usual today when she emerged from Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after giving birth to twins. “While […]
Op-Ed: I’m Pretty Sure That Zayn’s New Single Is About The Magical Night We Spent Together
As everyone who’s anyone knows, the literal GOD who is Zayn Malik released his first solo single Friday. Following its release, two things have come […]
Area Woman Shazams DMV Hold Music
LOS ANGELES — Citing the incredible variety of smooth jazz that she heard while on hold for nearly 45 minutes today, local woman Susan Foreman […]