Racially Divided Town United By Shared Homophobia
BACKWATER, AL—Residents of Backwater, a small town in rural Alabama with deep racial divisions, have recently come together to celebrate their shared homophobia. “See, […]
Articles by Kushal Chatterjee
Nation’s Forks Feeling Overworked
WASHINGTON D.C.—Citing the vast overuse of their bodies for eating various foods, the nation’s forks are declaring a national crisis. “Frankly speaking, we’re just too […]
Sadness And Loneliness Are Just Social Constructs, Says Man Lying On The Floor
SANTA MONICA, CA—Lying curled in a fetal position upon the floor of his kitchen, area man Andrew Pacheco repeatedly declared sadness […]
“Thank God Weed Is Legal Now,” Says All Of California
SACRAMENTO, CA—Calling the passage of proposition 64 a “gift from heaven” and “the only thing keeping me fucking sane,” disaffected Californians all over the state […]
Op-Ed: Being Called A Whore On Bruinwalk Led Me To God
Every sinner has a chance to repent. I was a sinner, and I didn’t even know it. I lived every day of my life thinking […]
Man Uses Same Racist Costume For Halloween And Cinco De Mayo
Madison, WI—Area man Joseph Peterson is dressing as a “Mexican cowboy” for Halloween, and plans to use the same costume for Cinco De Mayo next […]
Study: The Sea Is An Unforgiving Mistress
SAN DIEGO, CA—Recent studies compiled by various mateys and seadogs have unanimously concluded that, despite the proposals made by hapless landlubbers, the sea is a […]
White Girl Totally Gets Black Lives Matter, But Has Her Own Take On The Issue
MALIBU, CA—Local white girl Lindsey Clayton totally understands where Black Lives Matter, the movement protesting police brutality against African Americans, is coming from, but she […]
Special Snowflake Doesn’t Like Pizza
WESTWOOD—Sources report that local special snowflake, Andrew Robinson, dislikes pizza. “Andrew is so unique,” Amir Ashraf, a friend of Robinson’s, said this morning. “He just […]
Cool Professor Wears Tie-Dye Shirt
WESTWOOD—Physics professor Alexander Grobin walked into class today wearing a tie-dye shirt, instantly cementing his status as the cool professor. “Grobin is just the coolest,” […]