White Girl Totally Gets Black Lives Matter, But Has Her Own Take On The Issue

Lindsey Clayton grapples with race relations in modern America.
Lindsey Clayton grapples with race relations in modern America.

MALIBU, CALocal white girl Lindsey Clayton totally understands where Black Lives Matter, the movement protesting police brutality against African Americans, is coming from, but she has her own unique outlook on the movement. “Black Lives Matter has good intentions, but I feel like it targets and harasses the police, an already marginalized and persecuted segment of society,” Clayton said from the doorway of her Malibu beach house. “I mean, put yourself in the shoes of those officers. How would you feel if you went out everyday to do your job with a target on your back?”

Lindsey wants to clarify that she is not a racist. “It’s not about race. I understand the pain the African American community feels, but in these troubling times, we can’t afford to be so reckless. I mean, what’s the alternative, letting criminals run loose on the streets, selling dope and raping women?” When told that such scenarios are often construed as racial dog whistles, Lindsey was adamant in defending her position. “Look, if you want to play the race card, let’s be candid. We all know that black on black crime is an epidemic. The real danger to black people is other black people. If you think about it, the police are actually saving black lives by ending them.”

In response to the theory that Black Lives Matter is facing backlash from whites who claim to be sympathetic to minority rights, similar to the backlash the Civil Rights Movement faced in the 1960s, Lindsey just shook her head and sighed. “The difference between Black Lives Matter and the Civil Rights Movement could not be more clear. The Civil Rights Movement was fighting to establish equality for minorities. Black Lives Matter couldn’t be more different. I mean, if they really wanted equality, they wouldn’t try to save only black lives. Don’t all lives matter?” It is not yet known if local activists have taken Clayton’s viewpoint into consideration, as they are reportedly too busy fighting a centuries-old system designed by and for wealthy white men.

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Kushal is a hurricane hitting a Brachiosaurus stuck in rush hour traffic. He is the harmless prank phone call that frightens your mother into moving your entire family eight counties away. He is the smell of freshly baked cookies eerily emanating from an abandoned mental asylum. He is an amazing writer and incredible talent.