Nation Wishes Warren Beatty Had Announced Presidential Election
LOS ANGELES — After Warren Beatty mistakenly announced the wrong winner of Best Picture at the Oscars, Americans around the country were heard wishing that […]
Articles by Kushal Chatterjee
Westwood Enabler Banned From Spicer’s Press Briefing
WASHINGTON D.C. – Reporters from The Westwood Enabler called in to report that Press Secretary Sean Spicer had barred them from attending his off-camera Q&A […]
Op-Ed: So Pedophilia Is The Line?
As the world’s most dangerous faggot™ I, Milo Yiannopoulos, have always strived to present the true and disturbing facts about the cancerous spread of third […]
Man Excited By Text Realizes It’s Only BruinAlert Testing
WESTWOOD — Area man Justin Chang received a text on Friday evening while sitting at home and flipping between porn and Netflix, only to realize […]
Young Entrepreneur Really Proud Of Shitty Idea
WESTWOOD — Early this morning, young entrepreneur Brad Bates recently pitched his complete piece of shit business idea to his Finance class and, to the […]
Pregnancy And Childbirth Totally Not Worth Shitty Child
ANN ARBOR, MI — Citing the profound uselessness and disrespectful behaviour of her son Brendan, local mother Ann Shapiro says that the nine year old […]
President Trump To Institute Ban On Facts Until Further Notice
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an address from the Oval Office today, President Donald J. Trump declared that he was instituting a ban on all facts […]
Los Angeles Monsoon Takes The Lives Of Four Thousand Leather Shoes
LOS ANGELES, CA — A mass grave erected in the middle of Brentwood was completed today, with an ornate tombstone dedicating the site to the […]
Woman Brings Up Her Sex Life To Avoid Discussing Politics At Thanksgiving Dinner
MILWAUKEE, WI—Cutting off her father as he started to praise the new President-elect, Amy Richardson began a detailed discussion of her sex life. “Hey Dad, […]
Trump Announces Plan To Create Safe Spaces For Bigots
NEW YORK, N.Y.—Citing the the cast of Hamilton and their address to Mike Pence last night, Donald Trump today announced his plan to create safe […]