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Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

April 28, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

April 28, 2025 Shayne Sweet 0

WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

April 26, 2025 Bibinaz Nami 0

WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

“Sperm Racing” Event To Take Place In Communal Bathroom Shower Stall

April 25, 2025 Zach Fischer 0

One Year Later: Police Reprise Role As Useless Bystanders

April 24, 2025 Celeste Acosta 0

WESTWOOD — Nearing the one-year anniversary of the encampment, police can once again be seen standing around Royce doing jack shit. “What?” said Sergeant Rogers, […]

N-Ass-Tural Selection: New UCLA Study Links Living Higher Up The Hill With Fatter Ass, Getting More Bitches

April 24, 2025 Grace McIntyre 0

WESTWOOD — A team of UCLA researchers published a groundbreaking study showing that students who live farther up on the Hill end up, on average, […]

“Boiling Water Challenge” Raises Awareness For How To Kill Yourself

April 23, 2025 Paige Reed 0

LOS ANGELES — On Sunday, the University of Southern California’s Annoying Lame Students club (ALS) launched the ‘Boiling Water Challenge,’ a viral trend which aims […]

Report: Straightest Woman You Know Won’t Stop Calling Boyfriend “Fruity”

April 22, 2025 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — Following the celebration of her five-year anniversary with her “pookie,” in which he bravely decided to wear jorts, straight third-year Psychology major Madison […]

Breaking: He Is Fallen

April 21, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

VATICAN CITY — This Easter Sunday, after a long life of hard work fighting human rights violations, climate change, and church scandals, Pope Francis was […]

Opinion: Too Bad, AFSCME! We Are Spending Five Million Dollars On A New Quarterback

April 21, 2025 Chancellor Julio Frenk 0

Dear Bruin Community:   At UCLA, promoting the well-being of the Bruin family is our top priority. As your Chancellor, I do all kinds of […]

Posts pagination

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  • Flakers Anonymous Reports Record Low Attendance

  • Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do

    WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]

  • Man With Fragile Ego Sits In Waymo Driver’s Seat

    WESTWOOD — While returning home from a failed driver’s license test, aspiring Cybertruck owner Grant T. Otto broke Waymo’s ‘rider rules’ by climbing into the […]

  • Angeleno Prepares For Storm By Already Driving Like Shit

    WESTWOOD — In preparation for this week’s rare October storm, one local resident has decided to take up driving like shit in order to lessen […]

  • Uh Oh! Student’s Twelfth Grandparent Just Died

    WESTWOOD — Last Sunday, second-year Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics major Calvin Dozer revealed that his Step-Step-Grandpappy just died, making this the twelfth grandparent dead […]

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
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  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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