WESTWOOD — Following the celebration of her five-year anniversary with her “pookie,” in which he bravely decided to wear jorts, straight third-year Psychology major Madison Marie Jones will not stop calling her boyfriend “fruity.” “The sassy man epidemic is just so overwhelming. Just the other day he called me a slob bitch. Gag! Queen out, twink!” reported Jones, whose boyfriend was 6’5,” 250 pounds, and on the football team. “Men used to go to war. Now he’s too busy clocking tea in bed with my sorority sisters. Girl!” At press time, Jones was posting a TikTok about how her boyfriend’s “neurospiciness” is shown through his special interest in other women.
