UCLA Doubles Down On “Zero Waste 2020”
WESTWOOD — On Tuesday, Chancellor Gene Block reaffirmed in an address to the university that UCLA will be waste-free by 2020. “Although we are well […]
Math Major Aspires to 69
WESTWOOD — Second-year applied math student Jake Willow has a dream: to someday 69. “I’ve spent a lot of time in college learning about math, […]
Inclusivity Win! This Sorority Flyers to Girls With BMIs Over 22
WESTWOOD — Sigma Alpha Alpha president Ashleigh Watkyns made history Monday when she handed a Fall Rush recruitment flyer to a girl with a BMI […]
Instagram Blacks Out After Roebling Block Party
WESTWOOD — Millions were inconvenienced when Instagram drank excessively at the Roebling Block Party and was unable to come into work the following Monday. “Every […]
First-Year Trampled By Stampede Of Delivery Robots
WESTWOOD — The UCLA community is in mourning today after first year Leslie Pitt, 18, was trampled to death by a stampede of Starship delivery […]
Opinion: Masks Make It Impossible to Hear My Professor, Also Being Asleep
On the first day of fall quarter, I walked into class five to forty minutes late and saw a sea of masks — blue, black, […]
Sorry Professor! My Dog Ate My Daily Symptom Survey
WESTWOOD — Oops! Fourth-year Leila Bandowitz informed her professor this morning she does not have her daily symptom survey due to her dog’s appetite for […]
Point: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on T.V. / Counterpoint: Let’s Fucking Not
P: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on TV. By: Dylan Wood Baseball is such a fun sport. I know it takes four hours, but it’s […]
CDC: Fully Vaccinated People Can Smoke Cigarettes They Find On Ground
ATLANTA — On Wednesday evening, the Centers for Disease Control announced a change in their guidelines for fully vaccinated Americans, allowing them to take one […]
Op-Ed: Jesus Christ, My Heel Hurts So Much
I went to the doctor the other day. I had been having stabbing pains in my heel for well over a decade. My wife, John […]