Instagram Blacks Out After Roebling Block Party

WESTWOOD — Millions were inconvenienced when Instagram drank excessively at the Roebling Block Party and was unable to come into work the following Monday. “Every year it’s a crazy party, but Instagram got totally wild,” said Marissa Burke, putting out a lingering flame in her dress. “They drank all the White Claw and stood on top of a car. I even saw them handing out verification check marks to nobodies!” At press time, Twitter was seen encouraging Instagram to shotgun a Heineken.

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kylie is a psychology student who doesn't believe in capital letters or evolution.