Opinion: To The Incoming Freshman Reading This: UCLA Let You In By Accident!
You’ve just “gotten in” to the #1 public university in the entire United States of America. Pretty soon, obnoxious people in your life are going […]
Opinion: Being Uncircumcised Is Bohemian
When I received my acceptance letter from UCLA, I was ecstatic to move to Los Angeles, the land of fruits and nuts. Unfortunately, I have […]
Bruin Bear And Cocaine Bear Elope
BOGOTA, COLUMBIA — Cocaine Bear and Joe Bruin tied the knot this weekend in Columbia, according to sources close to the couple. The nuptials were […]
Chipotle To Require Credit Check Before Adding Guac
WESTWOOD — Chipotle announced Tuesday that they will be partnering with Credit Karma to run expedited credit checks on all customers attempting to add guac […]
UCLA Spins Wheel Of Random Names To Pick Class Of 2027
WESTWOOD — UCLA announced Wednesday that they would be switching to a 100% chance admission system for the incoming class of 2027. “Our job is […]
Saturdays Are For The Boys, But Tuesdays Are For Making Tapestries
WESTWOOD — Loading two crates of art supplies into their van, a group of fraternity brothers belonging to Nu Phi Chi were seen huddled in […]
Scooter Reaches Mach 5 Down Bruinwalk
WESTWOOD— Students were shocked this morning when student athlete Will B. Quick achieved the speed of Mach 5 scootering down Bruinwalk. “All I saw was […]
BruinCast Employee Wins Oscar For Creative Camerawork
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Abby Gromberg made history this Oscar Sunday after she was awarded “Best Director” for her work on LS 7A 2/13. “I think […]
Triangle of Sadness? This Woman Has a UTI
Watching the Oscars? Here are our quick takes on the Best Picture nominees! Buy me dinner first! Give ‘em a mic, I say! I sure […]
Finally! 2023 Oscars To Be Nationwide Convention Of Guys Named Oscar
HOLLYWOOD — Today, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences made a well-received announcement that the 95th Oscars would be a national convention of […]