Opinion: Today, Of All Days, We Should Be Serious.
I get it. We all love April Fool’s day; we all like to have a little chuckle. We’ve got some reeeaal jokesters among us. But […]
Dune: Part Two Beats Out Magic Mike To Become Highest Grossing Film To Feature A Massive Worm
LOS ANGELES — With a stunning $500 million domestic box office revenue, Denis Villenueve’s Dune: Part Two has passed Magic Mike’s $167 million revenue to […]
Guy Who’s Not Happy To See You Just Has Banana In Pocket
WESTWOOD — Area man Jeremy Bentham clarified Tuesday that he was not, in fact, aroused by your presence, and that the bulge in his pants […]
Biden Administration Demands Ceasefire In Gaza: “But It’s Chill If Not No Worries”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following an announcement from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that the attack on Rafah would proceed despite international pressure, the Biden administration […]
Filthy Stinking Liar Doesn’t Actually Have To Sneeze
WESTWOOD — Local student and wretched deceiver Al Ergiess showed his true colors on Wednesday when he appeared to prepare for a sneeze that ultimately […]
Local White Boy Makes Big Splash In Intramural Dodgeball Scene
WESTWOOD — As the winter quarter IM season wraps up, overly competitive white boys who have never had success in real sports are experiencing the […]
A Win For Diversity! This White Latina Thinks She Is A POC Because Her Parents Can Make Empanadas
WESTWOOD — Third-year white Latinx student Layla Rodriguez barged into a conversation about racism to share her experience growing up as a person of color […]
What Your Backpack Says About You, Including When And Where You Enjoy Your Last Breath
A student’s choice of backpack arguably decides the path they take for the rest of their miserable life. What you pick to stow your laptop […]