Guy Who’s Not Happy To See You Just Has Banana In Pocket

WESTWOOD — Area man Jeremy Bentham clarified Tuesday that he was not, in fact, aroused by your presence, and that the bulge in his pants was simply due to a banana in his pocket. “I fucking hate you, actually,” said Bentham, 28, who has a severe potassium deficiency. “But my doctor said I gotta keep a banana on me at all times. It also doubles as an emergency cell phone, gun, or strap-on. Just kidding about that last one — I still hate you!” At press time, Bentham had revealed that he was also not pregnant, and was simply hiding a basketball under his shirt.

mm
About Maya Chatrathi 24 Articles
Having only recently gained sentience, Maya Chatrathi is working twice as hard to get up to speed. Please be patient with her through this adjustment period.