“I Earned This” Says Man Who Has Done Nothing All Day
FREEHOLD, NJ—Reports confirm that late this afternoon 27-year-old David Gibney sat down on his sofa with an ice cold beer to relax after a long […]
Op-Ed: Liberals, Stop Calling Your Fake News “Satire”
With all the fake news circulating social media the past few months, some would say the blurred lines of fact and fiction have felt like […]
Report: Student Had Busy Day, But Friend’s Was Even Busier
WESTWOOD—Student Alfie Hochman reported last Friday that he had a busy day, but his friend’s was even busier. “I had a class from 9-10 a.m., […]
Area Moms Discuss Book At Wine Club
LOS ANGELES—Sources report that the moms of the Rancho Palos Verdes area all congregated at Susan’s house and discussed a book briefly before consuming multiple […]
Roommate Still In Bathroom
WESTWOOD – Sources have confirmed that as of 8:22 this evening, your roommate was still in the bathroom. “It’s been almost ten minutes. Not that […]
Study: Writers Of Satirical News Articles Make Ideal Lovers
WESTWOOD – A recent study conducted at UCLA has determined that writers of satirical news articles tend to make ideal lovers. “More than any other […]
M. Night Shyamalan Announces New Movie Entitled “Please Help Me, I Can’t Stop”
HOLLYWOOD – Following fast on the heels of his new film Split, famed director M. Night Shyamalan has announced his latest movie entitled Please Help […]
UCLA Unveils New Student Fee
WESTWOOD — UCLA students and faculty gathered in Bruin Plaza this past Friday to observe Gene Block ceremonially unveil the university’s newest student fee. Simply […]
Man Excited By Text Realizes It’s Only BruinAlert Testing
WESTWOOD — Area man Justin Chang received a text on Friday evening while sitting at home and flipping between porn and Netflix, only to realize […]
Kid Finally Learns Mom’s Name Not ‘Mom’
LOS ANGELES—Sources report that five-year-old Douglas Stokes has finally learned that his mom’s name is not actually ‘mom.’ “We’re all so proud of our big […]