FREEHOLD, NJ—Reports confirm that late this afternoon 27-year-old David Gibney sat down on his sofa with an ice cold beer to relax after a long day of doing nothing. “You know what, I really think I deserve this,” said Gibney as he turned on the television to watch another episode of Tosh.0, his fourth of the day. “I had to wake up at 11:30, swing by Chipotle to grab lunch, and then head over to Mike’s to hang with the guys,” Gibney said about his unproductive day. “Then I had to stop by the liquor store to pick up a few sixers on my way home, so I’ve been pretty slammed all day,” Gibney continued, sounding like a real piece of shit. At press time Gibney was seen rewarding himself with another beer after successfully ordering pizza.