Area Woman’s New Favorite Smell Definitely Toast
WESTWOOD–After popping a fine slice of Nature’s Own Whole Wheat Bread in the toaster oven, area woman Karen Schremm concluded that her new favorite smell […]
Teen Thinks This Nietzsche Guy Is Pretty Cool
WESTWOOD – Local teenager Sam Herman thinks this Nietzsche guy is pretty cool. “All that stuff about slave morality is pretty interesting,” said Sam, an […]
Professor Receives Roar of Laughter During Lecture, Pursues Stand Up Comedy
WESTWOOD—UCLA Chemistry professor Thomas Osborne, is retiring to further develop his one-man act after cracking a single periodic table joke during class and receiving a […]
“Live, Laugh, Love” Poster On Girl’s Wall Tells You All You Need To Know
WESTWOOD–Sources have reported that the “Live, Laugh, Love” poster hanging on the wall of local 20-year-old Lindsey Matthews tells you pretty much all you need […]
Op-Ed: I Could Be Instagram Famous If I Tried
My friends tell me I’m the “Roseanne” of the friend group. They say it’s because of my sense of humor, but I know it’s really […]
Point: North Campus Majors Don’t Understand Suffering / Counterpoint: Exactly
Point: North Campus Majors Don’t Understand Suffering By: Alexander Levinson I have had enough. I am so sick and tired of these lazy, entitled north […]
Point: It’s Cute How We Keep Making Eye Contact! / Counterpoint: Stop Looking At Me, You Fucking Creep
Point: It’s Cute How We Keep Making Eye Contact! By: Ashley Davis Hey! I definitely keep noticing you looking over here in lecture, you’re not […]
Report: A Bean Is The Cutest Source Of Fiber
WESTWOOD—Researchers at the Los Angeles Institute of Nutrition released a study last Wednesday confirming that a bean is the cutest source of fiber. “We studied […]
Op-Ed: If You Want To See My Weird Feet, You Have To Earn My Weird Feet
This one goes out to all the undeserving folks who ask to see my feet before they see my personality. You know who you are. […]
New Kid Doesn’t Have Any Obvious Flaws To Pick Apart, Says School Bully
SANTA MONICA—Sources reported that local high school bully Sam Daniels was overheard this past Friday expressing his disappointment over the new kid having no obvious […]