Fat Sal’s And Five Other UCLA Traditions That Suck Ass
The only time I’ve ever been to Fat Sal’s was when I was either drunk or high out of my mind, which makes sense because […]
Opinion: Each Study Buddy Should Count As A Body
Having a study buddy is so intimate. You see, I have one, and we have this transactional arrangement where we meet late at night in […]
The Enabler Reviews: Big Blue Bus Anti Homeless Architecture
Big Blue Bus Bench Architect, You never fail to charm me. Your ingenuity in creating unusable bus benches is truly inspiring. While the impoverished LA […]
“Do You Know What Today Is?” Asks Biggest Dweeb You Know
WESTWOOD — This morning, students all over campus had their peace interrupted by the biggest dweeb around asking if they knew what day it was. […]
STEM Major Still Has To Google Unit Circle
WESTWOOD — Third-year Applied Mathematics major William L’Hopital recently made sine waves last Friday when he was seen googling the unit circle in his upper-division […]
UCLA’S Top Five Sexually Eligible Statues
5. John Wooden It’s no surprise that a man whose first and last names both mean penis is coming in hot on this list. John […]
Westwood Celebrates Grand Opening Of Empty Storefront
WESTWOOD — Last weekend, people lined up around the block for the grand opening of Westwood’s hottest new empty storefront. “When the family-owned restaurant that […]
“The Democrats Ought To Do Something,” Says Democratic Lawmaker Doing Nothing
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of President Trump’s recent executive orders, Democratic lawmakers unanimously decided to finally stop him as long as each registered […]
Dorm Resident Hospitalized After Automatic Toilet Flushes Prematurely
WESTWOOD — The sixth-floor communal bathroom of Sproul Cove was struck by tragedy Friday evening after a horrific flush-sensor malfunction in the second stall hospitalized […]