Joe Bruin Put Down
WESTWOOD — The UCLA community was struck by an unexpected tragedy late last night, when it was announced that school mascot Joe Bruin had been […]
Food
Impossible Foods Announces New Plant-Based Bananas
SAN FRANCISCO — Following the success of their Impossible Burger, vegan foodstuff maker Impossible Foods, Inc. announced Thursday a new line of 100% plant-based bananas. […]
Confident 100 Year-old Still Buys in Bulk
LOS ANGELES — Despite his advanced age of 100, local World War II veteran Percival Buckland remains steadfast in his patronage of the Sepulveda Costco […]
First-Year Trampled By Stampede Of Delivery Robots
WESTWOOD — The UCLA community is in mourning today after first year Leslie Pitt, 18, was trampled to death by a stampede of Starship delivery […]
Roommate Going To Finish Bananas This Time
WESTWOOD — After returning from Ralphs today at 12:30 p.m. PST, your roommate assured you that he is definitely going to finish the bananas he […]
Man Drinks The Fuck Out Of Glass Of Water
ENCINO, CA — The nation reeled Sunday afternoon after learning that area man Chis Peterson really just drank the fuck out of his glass of […]
Covel Announces Plans To Add Food To Menu
WESTWOOD — The Hill was abuzz Monday morning following a long-rumored announcement that Covel would finally be adding food to its menu. “We’ve heard your […]
Inclusivity Win! BPlate Adds Intermittent Fasting Option By Removing Breakfast Meal Periods
WESTWOOD — Residential dining hall Bruin Plate has decided to close its doors during all breakfast meal periods due to pressure from student members of […]
Student Munches Lunch at Bunche
WESTWOOD — Imprudent third year theater student Daniel Dent munches crunchy lunch inside of Bunche. “I know it’s ambitious, and a bit suspicious, but my […]
First-Year Debuts New Personality At Thanksgiving
MINNEAPOLIS — 19-year-old Thor Bjornson was spotted deplaning in sandals and a The Longest Summer t-shirt at Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport on Wednesday night. “I’m stoked […]