Point: Wash Your Dishes / Counterpoint: I’m Letting Them Soak
Point: Wash Your Dishes By Alex Haru, Kellen Loke, Drew Casebier We’ve called this roommate meeting to discuss the issue of the dishes that have […]
Articles by Griffin Stout
Carl’s Jr. Grounded by Carl’s Sr.
NASHVILLE — Carl’s Junior announced today that it will be closing its doors for two weeks after being grounded by Carl’s Senior. “We at Carl’s […]
Stray Cat Wins Heart of Community, Stray Human Does Not
WESTWOOD — A stray cat discovered on Landfair Avenue has won over the community with its scrappy feline charms, while at the same time local […]
Target Pushes Further Into Ralphs’ Territory, War Imminent
WESTWOOD — With the annexation of the shared stairwell, Target has pushed further into Ralphs’ territory, which experts believe will surely result in a formal […]
Bill Clinton to Star in His Own Celebrity Porn Parody
NEW YORK — Former President Bill Clinton’s public relations representative announced this morning that he will be playing the star role in his own […]
“Californians Are So Afraid of Rain,” Says Student From State Terrified of Immigrants
WESTWOOD — After an unprecedented week of sporadic rain across Los Angeles county, first year UCLA student Dustin Foster controversially declared to his distracted roommate […]
P: Marijuana Is A Gateway Drug That Leads To Lethargy And Memory Loss / CP: If You Didn’t Want A Hit You Could’ve Just Said So
Point: Marijuana Is A Gateway Drug That Leads To Lethargy And Memory Loss By: Lucas Thompson Marijuana is classified as a Schedule 1 drug and has […]
National Bestfriend Day Cancelled, She Knows What She Did
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the nation enters the peak of holiday season, Gabrielle Langli, Director of the Bureau of Celebration and National Holidays, has declared […]
Punk Band Totally Fine With No One Showing Up to Their Show. No Really, They Are.
WESTWOOD – Following a local house show this weekend, punk rock band Anarchist Tendencies denied feeling heartbroken despite the fact that no one showed up […]
Self-Proclaimed “Cool” Professor Overheats in Leather Jacket
WESTWOOD — Earlier this week, adjunct History professor Dennis Falsk fainted during an intense lecture on early Mesopotamian farming practices after refusing to take off […]