WESTWOOOD – In an emergency press conference inside your dorm today, your roommate announced they are unable to clean because the floor is lava. “I know you can’t really see the floor right now, but trust me, it’s totally lava,” said your roommate, while balancing precariously on dirty clothes and empty ramen boxes. “But you’re welcome to try alternate cleaning methods like tying pillows to your feet, dangling the vacuum from the top bunk, or picking up all my stuff for me.” At press time, your roommate was reporting that the laundry room had also become lava.
