Opinion: I Am Going To Squish My Roommate Like A Bug
Oh my god. My roommate just looked at me. Why in the fuck ass did he just do that. He might as well be taking […]
Advice
Opinion: I Need To Fuck Someone With A Scooter
Look, I’m over it. UCLA is basically an Olympic endurance course disguised as an academic institution. From walking up Bruin Walk to climbing the Death […]
OPINION: Lol Did You Hear The News? This Is Crazy. Anyways Wyd Tonite? ;)
Hey I know this is super random lol but did you hear about Biden stepping down? It’s so crazy this is all happening. I really […]
Opinion: Hinge Isn’t Working. It’s Time To Start Fucking My Friends
Dating apps are difficult. Yeah, I said it. “Heyyyyy haha! I also like cats! Lolz!” “WYD” “Taking a shower? Without me?” And I get nothing. […]
“SHE’S FINE!” And 3 More Things To Yell At Bystanders While Your Bestie Barfs In A Planter
It’s Thirsty Thursday and your bestie’s thirst has been more than sufficiently quenched by Tito’s and lukewarm vending machine Diet Starry. Her face is buried […]
Surprise! Student Without Any Dreams Or Passion Goes Into Consulting
WESTWOOD — In a decision that has sent shockwaves across the nation, a student devoid of any personality or soul has decided to pursue consulting. […]
Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient
Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]
Old Guy Can Show You A Thing Or Two
YOUR NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE — After you complained about the difficulties in your life, your neighbor and local old guy Rutherford McFiddlesticks explained that he may […]
Fifth-Year Continuing To Major In “Fundecided”
WESTWOOD — Long-term student Brody Martin, currently enrolled in his fifteenth quarter, informed his counselor Monday that he is taking a lighter course load this […]
Botanical Garden Turtle Confesses: Your First Date Was Cringe
Hey buddy. It’s me, Grog. Yeah, the little turtle by the bridge who saw you walking through the botanical gardens with your date. Oh, you […]