Roommate Unable To Clean Dorm Because Floor Is Lava
WESTWOOOD – In an emergency press conference inside your dorm today, your roommate announced they are unable to clean because the floor is lava. “I […]
Roommates
Roommate Taking Too Long To Read “Atomic Habits” Explodes
WESTWOOD – A second-year detonated late Monday night after spending eight agonizing months trying to finish James Clear’s “Atomic Habits.” “They bought it Week 0 […]
Report: Someone Broke Into My Dorm And Left All This Bong Smoke Here
WESTWOOD — Unease settled over the Hill last night as UCLA Housing warned of a mysterious break-in which left one student’s dorm filled with a […]
Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge
WESTWOOD — According to the National Roommate Association, a dangerous new craze is sweeping the nation: the “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” challenge. “HEYYYYYYY whatsgoinonguysitsyaboy […]
Roommate Finally Learns Second Song On Acoustic Guitar
WESTWOOD — After three years of listening to his roommate exclusively play “Wonderwall” by Oasis, one man has confirmed that the aspiring acoustic guitarist was […]
Gayley Heights Burns Down After Roommates Make Really Long Chain Of Power Strips
WESTWOOD — On Thursday, UCLA apartment building Gayley Heights went up in flames after a mischievous band of roommates assembled an unusually lengthy chain of […]
Opinion: I Am Going To Squish My Roommate Like A Bug
Oh my god. My roommate just looked at me. Why in the fuck ass did he just do that. He might as well be taking […]
Each Roommate Privately Wondering How The Others Are Dealing With Dwindling Hand Soap Supply
WESTWOOD — As the supply of bathroom hand soap diminished to a few bubbles per pump, residents of Gayley Heights apartment 703 were each privately […]
Alabamian Initiates Dorm Floorcest Movement In The Name Of Culture
WESTWOOD — First-year Alabamian and psychology major Cous N. Louver has sparked controversy for introducing a new trend among his peers: floorcest. “My entangled family […]
5 Reasons Your Door Lock Is Always Mad At You
Every day you come home and your door lock just refuses to tell you what it’s upset about this time. Juggling the day’s groceries in […]