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Breaking: Every Celebrity Has Now Appeared On Every Other Celebrity’s Podcast, Lifting The Curse And Freeing Us All

April 29, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES — In a development that is sure to bring about nationwide revelry, every single celebrity has now appeared on every other celebrity’s podcast, […]

Throwing Up In Class And Four Other Trends That Have Majorly Fallen Off

April 24, 2024 Adam Nadifi 0

Reminiscing on trends that used to be all the rage but haven’t gotten a lot of attention lately? The Westwood Enabler has you covered. These […]

Bel-Air Property Auction Gets Heated Over Having Best View Of College Town

April 23, 2024 Anya Bergstrom 0

BEL-AIR — In the process of brokering a deal worthy of its property value, a Bel-Air home auction recently got heated over having the best […]

UCLA Introduces 0P Plan Where You Watch Your Friends Eat

April 22, 2024 Jaden Weinstein 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA Housing has decided to launch a brand new meal plan for students living on campus, where purchasers can swipe into dining halls […]

UCLA Housing x ResLife Presents: Roachella

April 19, 2024 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — With music festival season well underway, UCLA Housing is collaborating with ResLife for their own spin on Coachella: Roachella. “Ticket prices range from […]

Freshman Faux Pas? The First Guy You Ate With At De Neve Is A Sex Offender

April 18, 2024 Funny Marcus 0

WESTWOOD — As the 2023-24 school year approaches its end, freshman students are coming forward to share their horror stories about dining hall encounters with […]

De Neve Late Night Reopens With Mandatory Breathalyzer Test

April 17, 2024 Tyler Neufeld 0

WESTWOOD — Beloved dining hall De Neve is set to reopen its Late Night menu with more pizza, flatter soda, and a lot less fun […]

Second-Year Still Recovering From Epic Hometown Spring Break

April 16, 2024 Meghan Mason 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year Creative Writing major Sue Perr-Wilde is still in recovery from her epic spring break adventure where she re-explored her hometown grocery stores, […]

Meant To Be: The Cruel And Beautiful Strings Of Fate Have Caused Our Paths To Cross On This Four-Way Crosswalk

April 13, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

Hello again, stranger. It’s funny, isn’t it? How life works. Despite meeting mere moments ago, our bodies are now locked in an ancient ritual, performing […]

USC Alum Dead At 76

April 12, 2024 Georgia McNeill 0

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  • Bruin Walk Sales Revealed To Be First Level Of Purgatory

    BRUIN WALK — In an exclusive interview with the Enabler, prolific Bruin Walk salesperson Ven Moe disclosed today that selling wares on the well-trod pathway […]

  • A Letter To Prospective Student Tour Groups: I’m Better Than You

    Dear prospective student tour groups, I was once like you. Young, naïve, a newbie to the UCLA campus jungle. What separates me from you, though, […]

  • Penn State Score Prediction: 22 Dead, 83 Injured

    PASADENA — As Penn State’s Nittany Lions prepare to play the Bruins this Saturday, recent reports from the top experts at FanDuel Sportsbook have revealed […]

  • I Lived It: Blackout Was Nothing Like The Cake From De Neve

    WESTWOOD — ‘Twas the first Thursday of the quarter. I had just spent a whirlwind night with the rankly perspiring men of Sigma Nu, but […]

  • One Millionth Cough Award Given To Guy In The Back Row Of Your Lecture

    WESTWOOD — Bunche Hall 1209B made history this Thursday after a guy in the back row of your lecture received the One Millionth Cough Award, […]

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