Procrastinating Sophomore Estimates He’s Only Got About An Hour Left To Play 2048
WESTWOOD—Saying “no worries, I got this,” second year Michael Hess reportedly reckons that he only has about an hour left to kill before he “really […]
A Song Of Ice And Fire Spoils Game Of Thrones
HOLLYWOOD – Epic fantasy scholars have recently discovered that the best-selling book series A Song of Ice and Fire contains major spoilers for the hit […]
Outmoded History Professor Reconnects With Students Via Vine-Based Lectures
WESTWOOD, CA — Struggling to engage his students in yet another lecture, History professor Vincent Hall implemented a new teaching method early this quarter incorporating […]
Ashe Center Doctor Diagnoses Patient as “Sick”
WESTWOOD—Earlier today, the Westwood Enabler received confirmation that a doctor working in the Ashe Center had diagnosed a student as being “sick.” According to reports, […]
Kinky Lab Rat Likes Being Abused
SEATTLE—Noting a spike in the serotonin levels of test subject 110021a, nicknamed “Alfred”, scientists at the Bryer National Laboratory concluded this morning that the rodent […]
Student Neglects to Forward Chain Letter, Almost Dies
WESTWOOD – Yesterday morning, police were called to UCLA’s dormitories after a student woke up in terror. The student, whose name cannot be revealed for […]
Murphy Sculpture Garden Sculptures Arrested for Indecent Exposure
WESTWOOD, CA – The UCLA Police Department arrested over a dozen sculptures in the Franklin D. Murphy Sculpture Garden Sunday on charges of indecent exposure. […]
Alanis Morissette Finally Catches Up On Word Of The Day Calendar
WESTWOOD, CA — 7 time Grammy Award-winning alt-rocker Alanis Morissette revealed to reporters late Friday night that the backlog of words created from falling behind […]
Spring Sing Mix Up Leads To Choreographed Hostage Situation
WESTWOOD — The much anticipated seasonal jubilee known as Spring Sing saw an impressive number of attendants as expected yesterday evening, though the otherwise exuberant […]
Royce Light Show “More Dangerous Than Banned Pokemon Episode”
WESTWOOD – Rumors surrounding the Royce Hall light show have been working their way up and down Bruinwalk, and some of them are not in […]