WESTWOOD — The much anticipated seasonal jubilee known as Spring Sing saw an impressive number of attendants as expected yesterday evening, though the otherwise exuberant evening was shockingly marred by events which none had expected. Complications during a spirited rendition of American poet and philosopher Lil John’s “Turn Down For What” by the Vietnamese street dance crew Hanoi Bang Gang caused what was described as a “confusion-fueled violent standoff infused with breakbeat urban style.”
Just as proceedings were nearing the end of the evening, at least 12 students were confirmed to have been taken hostage as the result of crew member Dylan Nguyen’s disastrous attempt at a hand-tutting, krump-jookin’ dance combination. Before the crowd could adequately assess the success of the performance, members of the dance squad seemed to have taken matters into their own hands.
“We were just enjoying the show,” said Wendy Choi, 2nd year Biology major. “Some strobe lights, some average and extremely average singers, some urban and not-so-urban dancing, everything you’d hope for in an over-hyped talent show. But then, all of the sudden, nearly the entire first row was being used as leverage in a Vietnamese, Mexican standoff of sorts… I was all like, ‘What’s all this unscheduled spontaneity and intrigue doing in my glorified variety showcase?’ Bring back the mediocre dancing and white girls doing that Cup Song!”
Although the details concerning the escalation of the events remain shrouded in ambiguity, eyewitnesses told the Westwood Enabler that the incident was “absolutely stage-worthy.” Witnesses have speculated the hostage taking was carried out as part of an attempt to garner more public support and improve the group’s chances at taking first place. Unfortunately, it did not.
“Sure,” said one spectator. “It was clearly a gross overreaction, one that must be universally condemned. But they did it with such flawless synchronization, and with such a glitchy, modern rhythm that really won the crowd back over – those who weren’t kidnapped, at least. Will they serve hard time for their crime? Perhaps. But not if their Judges are from the X Factor.”