Mother Of All Bombs Leaves Behind Husband And Six Thousand Child Bombs
ARLINGTON, VA – In the wake of her massive detonation and international fame, the mother of all bombs leaves behind the father of all bombs, […]
11 Reasons Why Last Quarter’s GPA Was Not Your Fault
Hey Bruins! Still mourning last quarter’s GPA? No worries, we here at WE have 11 reasons why your GPA is totally not your fault: Free […]
Report: Fuck, It’s Bruin Day
WESTWOOD – Sources have reported that it’s Bruin Day. Fuck. “God, is that this weekend?” asked senior Jason Marcus. “Christ. It’s like, whoopdy-fucking-doo, you were […]
Report: Xanax Makes m y hannds FEel incrwdible
WESTWOOOSD—A recent report confirmed that taking one dose of Xanax can mAke my entnire hands nd t he Fingerss too feel reallly good. “Hoooo it;s […]
Report: RA Found To Be Cool
WESTWOOD—A report conducted by the Hedrick 5-South Floor Association revealed local Residential Assistant Shirley Tang to be “cool.” “Yeah, we were all just kind of […]
Oblivious Dance Marathon Participant Still Going Strong
WESTWOOD— Unaware that Dance Marathon ended four days ago, third-year communications student Tyler Durham is still up and on his feet dancing in Pauly Pavilion […]
Incredible! This Couple Got An Omelet At Covel And Didn’t Have Sex In Line
We all know how tempting it can be to intimately embrace your partner during that long, hard wait for a sizzling, delicious omelet at Covel […]
Area Cat Contemplates Sisyphean Nature Of Licking Itself Clean
WESTWOOD—Local cat Fluffy Winship Lion the Fourth was in the process of his regularly scheduled licking session when his tongue stopped and the existential dread […]
Man Begins Running Solely To Carbo Load
SACRAMENTO–Clarifying that he is not actually interested in getting fit, new runner Joshua Miller announced on social media that he is only interested in running […]