Student Graduating Cum Laude Cums Loud
WESTWOOD — Communications major Jonathan Yao shocked students and staff Friday when he ejaculated in his graduation gown while accepting his diploma. “It could’ve been […]
Campus
Touring High Schooler Looks Like A Better Fit For Berkeley
WESTWOOD — A high school student touring the UCLA campus looks like they would be a better fit for second-rate UC Berkeley. “Usually when I’m […]
North Campus Students Enjoy First Week of Summer
WESTWOOD — UCLA students majoring in the humanities and social sciences have reportedly been enjoying their first week of summer, which as far as they […]
Opinion: I Heard Your Stomach Growl In Class, But I’m A Really Nice Person
Hi there! It’s me, the one who sits next to you in class! I just wanted to let you know that I did actually hear […]
Oh No! The Girl You Like Is An Active GroupMe Participant
WESTWOOD — Third-year Calvin Brown was disheartened upon joining his class GroupMe and seeing more than ten messages from his crush Emily Lee. “You really […]
Onto The Next Chapter! Senior Gets High And Forgets To Go To Class One Last Time
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year statistics student Robert Chatterly woke up early this morning in preparation for his last class at UCLA, but not before taking a […]
UCLA Frat Issues Notes App Apology for Alleged Serial Sexual Assault
WESTWOOD — On Monday, a UCLA Fraternity was cornered into finally addressing their countless sexual assault allegations. Their method of addressing this serious issue was […]
Student Has A Blast At Virtual Study Abroad
WESTWOOD — Due to the pandemic, second-year linguistics student Dan Gene-Attell willingly paid $20,000 to take online classes from Barcelona, Spain while remaining in his […]
“He Doesn’t Bite,” Says Man About Dog Who Stabs People
CORNER BY CHICK-FIL-A — Area man Brad Perez confirmed this week that while his dog Brutus does not bite people, he does stab them. “Of […]
Main Character Energy? This Girl In Your Class Refuses to Shut Up
SCAND 50 — On Tuesday, excited freshman Lola Laurens readily responded to every statement made by her professor. “Mother and Father say I have to […]