Spineless Pushover Follows Traffic Guidelines
WESTWOOD — A shallow excuse for a man was seen blindly following traffic guidelines Wednesday in the greater Westwood area. “I just don’t want to […]
Campus
Bruin Bash 2022 To Feature Literal Bashing
WESTWOOD — Amid widespread speculation over which artist will be headlining UCLA’s Bruin Bash, exciting information has come to light: the 2022 edition of the […]
Lack Of Strict Adherence To Move-In Time Now Punishable By Death
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing community was rocked by a major policy change Saturday, when students arriving for move-in outside of their designated appointment times […]
UCLA Introduces New 3 Bedroom/17 Person Apartments
WESTWOOD — UCLA made waves Saturday with the unveiling of an innovative new housing option: a three-bedroom, seventeen-occupant apartment. “Well, we had to figure out […]
In-N-Out Burger To Replace Bible Verses On Wrappers With Shakespearean Insults
IRVINE — Billionaire owner and president of In-N-Out Burger, Lynsi Snyder, announced last Thursday that the wholesome Bible verses on their packaging will soon be […]
New Off-Campus Housing Options Include Westwood Target LEGO Aisle
WESTWOOD — Upperclassmen, no need to fret! You can expect to make the Westwood Target LEGO aisle a potential new home next year, according to […]
New Study Reveals All
WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA has revealed the intimate, juicy details of her life in an exclusive tell-all interview with the Enabler. “You […]
Quarter System To Become Dollar System Due To Inflation
WESTWOOD — An email was sent to the Bruin community late last night, in which it was announced that the quarter system would be renamed […]
New UCLA Course On How to Enroll In Courses Fast Enough Locked Immediately
WESTWOOD — Students wiped away tears of joy today as they broke out their laptops and logged into their MyUCLA accounts, waiting for their enrollment […]
Geezer Alert! This UCLA Student Just Said “Covel” Instead Of “Epicuria”
WESTWOOD RETIREMENT HOME — Alleged UCLA student Trevor Child unintentionally revealed his true, prehistoric identity this week when he used the antiquated term “Covel” instead […]