Lack Of Strict Adherence To Move-In Time Now Punishable By Death

WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing community was rocked by a major policy change Saturday, when students arriving for move-in outside of their designated appointment times were told they would face the death penalty. “I was only five minutes late!” wailed the malignant ghost of would-be first-year Enid Johnson, who was executed upon her 3:35 arrival to Sproul Landing. “This is so unfair. I didn’t even see the move-in assistant before he slit my throat with my own Bruincard!” At press time, Johnson was seen at the The Study trying and failing to pick up a sandwich with her translucent, immaterial hands.

About Kathryn Steenburgh 6 Articles
Kathryn Steenburgh is a second-year theater major. She is a big fan of Fall Out Boy, standup comedy, googling random locations she finds on Google maps, and other similarly embarrassing activities. When she's not writing for the Enabler, you can find her staring blankly into space.